There is a common misunderstanding that emotions cause us to think illogically. But the actual research, reviewed by psychologist Roy Baumeister and his colleagues, has placed emotion at the center of wisdom. — *location: 388* ^ref-49826 --- At the other extreme, too much arousal of the nervous system and anyone will become distressed, clumsy, and confused. We cannot think; the body is not coordinated; we feel out of control. Again, we have many ways to correct the situation. Sometimes we rest. Or mentally shut down. Some of us drink alcohol or take a Valium. — *location: 754* ^ref-31154 --- Another kind of HSP could potentially have an even stronger pause-to-check system but an activation system that is also very strong—just not quite as strong. This kind of HSP would be both very curious and very cautious, bold yet anxious, easily bored yet easily overaroused. The optimal level of arousal is a narrow range. One could say there is a constant power struggle between the advisor and the impulsive, expansive warrior within the person. — *location: 1138* ^ref-12398 --- If the root of being in too much is a belief that the infant-body is defective, the root of being out too much is equally negative. It suggests that you love the child so little that you are willing to neglect and abuse it. Where did you get that attitude? — *location: 1458* ^ref-5519 --- Stopping the abuse first requires admitting it is just that. It also helps to find what part of you is the abuser. The part that has bought into society’s script of perfection? That needs to outdo a brother or sister? That has to prove that you really are not flawed or “too sensitive”? That wants to win your parents’ love or even just a glance your way for once? That needs to prove you’re as gifted as they think? Or that the world cannot survive without you? Or that you can control everything and are perfect and immortal? There is often some arrogance in there somewhere, even if it is the arrogance of another about you. — *location: 1466* ^ref-55925 --- The Sorcerer’s Apprentice. Mickey Mouse plays the apprentice and uses sorcery to bring to life a broom to do the chore his master wants done: the filling of a cistern. This is not just laziness—Mickey is too arrogant to do something so lowly, working slowly within the limits of his own body. But Mickey has started something he cannot end. When the water is flooding the room and the broom still will not stop, Mickey chops it up, and soon hundreds of headless brooms are carrying water, drowning Mickey in the fulfillment of his own bright ideas. — *location: 1474* ^ref-47039 --- When witnessing, imagine standing to one side, watching yourself, perhaps talking about yourself with a comforting imaginary figure. “There’s Ann again, so overwhelmed she’s falling to pieces. I really feel for her. When she’s like this, of course, she can’t see beyond right now. Tomorrow, when she’s rested, she’ll be all excited again about her work. She just has to take some rest now no matter what seems to need to be done. Once she’s rested, it will go smoothly.” — *location: 1553* ^ref-3470 --- Loving the situation sounds pretty flippant, but it’s important. An expanded, loving mind, one that is open to the whole universe, is the opposite of a tightly constricted, overaroused mind. And if you cannot love the situation, it is vitally important and even more essential that you love yourself in your state of not being able to love the situation — *location: 1557* ^ref-39044 --- On the other hand, one way that chronic shyness, anxiety, or social avoidance can begin is if your early experiences did not build that trust. It is not inborn but learned. — *location: 1772* ^ref-37278 >This passage makes me want to scream viscerally. Im transported back to an imagined memory of being passed around as a baby overwhelmed. I am growing angry at my father for his refusal to understand me and protect me as i need protecting. --- The bottom line is that in those first years you either learned to trust the other, and the outer world generally, or you didn’t. If you did, your sensitivity remained, but you were rarely threatened into distressing long-term arousal. You knew how to handle it; it seemed under your control. If you asked others to stop doing something, they did. You knew you could trust them to help you rather than overburden you. On the other hand, one way that chronic shyness, anxiety, or social avoidance can begin is if your early experiences did not build that trust. It is not inborn but learned. — *location: 1769* ^ref-47153 --- Parents of a highly sensitive child often develop an especially intimate bond with their child. The communication is more subtle, and the triumphs in the world are more significant. “Look, Mom—I scored a goal!” takes on all new meaning to parents and coaches when the soccer-player is an HSP. And since the trait is inborn, there is a good chance that one or both of your parents understood you very well. — *location: 1779* ^ref-2199 --- Finally, being sensitive to the discomfort, disapproval, or anger of others probably made you quick to follow every rule as perfectly as possible, afraid to make a mistake. — *location: 1802* ^ref-46201 --- Carl Jung held that the habitually introverted (most HSPs) turn their energy inward to protect their treasured inner life from being overwhelmed by the outer world. But Jung pointed out that the more successfully introverted you are, the more pressure builds in the unconscious to compensate for the inward turning. It is as if the house becomes filled with bored (but probably gifted) kids who eventually find their way out the back door. This pent-up energy often lands on one person (or place or thing), which becomes all-important to the poor upended introvert. You have fallen intensely in love, and it really has less to do with the other person and more to do with how long you have delayed reaching out. — *location: 2841* ^ref-28628 --- The best protection against falling in love too intensely is being more in the world, not less. — *location: 2853* ^ref-62221 --- Getting the right balance between distance and closeness can seem impossible. If you try to please others, you’ll lose track of your own needs. If you only try to please yourself, you’ll often fail to express very much love and will not make the compromises that relationships require. — *location: 2973* ^ref-21292 --- This greater awareness of the subtle tends to make you more intuitive, which simply means picking up and working through information in a semiconscious or unconscious way. The result is that you often “just know” without realizing how. — *location: 770* ^ref-8899 --- Often we can get used to stimulation. But sometimes we think we have and aren’t being bothered, but suddenly feel exhausted and realize why: We have been putting up with something at a conscious level while it was actually wearing us down. Even a moderate and familiar stimulation, like a day at work, can cause an HSP to need quiet by evening. At that point, one more “small” stimulation can be the last straw. — *location: 790* ^ref-62857 --- One general rule is that when we have no control over stimulation, it is more upsetting, even more so if we feel we are someone’s victim. — *location: 800* ^ref-9632 --- It is important not to confuse arousal with fear. Fear creates arousal, but so do many other emotions, including joy, curiosity, or anger. — *location: 806* ^ref-46262 --- Finally, there is a new breed of religious beings seeking direct experience, not the lessons of authorities. At the same time, they know that for some reason others have different experiences, so they do not try to proclaim their experience as Truth. They may be the first humans to have to live with a direct spiritual knowledge that is recognized as fundamentally uncertain. There are HSPs in every category. But from my interviews and courses, I believe that the majority are in the last group. Like explorers or scientists, each probes the unknown area, then comes back to report. — *location: 3954* ^ref-34582 --- This is the pursuit of wholeness, not perfection, and wholeness must by definition include the imperfect. — *location: 4014* ^ref-14951 --- Learning a little about one’s shadow (you never know a lot or enough) is the best and perhaps only way to be free of the straitjacket of oversocialization that HSPs often don in childhood. The conscientious, eager-to-please HSP in you meets and gains the contributions of a powerful, scheming, self-aggrandizing, confidently impulsive HSP. As a team in which each respects and checks the other’s inclinations, they—you—are something fine to have in the world. This is all part of what I mean by pursuing wholeness, and HSPs can lead in this kind of important human work. — *location: 4022* ^ref-13199 ---