At the heart of the Seven Principles approach is the simple truth that happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. — *location: 474* ^ref-1388 --- Friendship fuels the flames of romance because it offers the best protection against feeling adversarial toward your spouse. — *location: 488* ^ref-52728 --- The key is learning how to better attune to each other and make friendship a top priority. — *location: 560* ^ref-25878 --- most marital arguments cannot be resolved. Couples spend year after year trying to change each other’s mind—but it can’t be done. This is because most of their disagreements are rooted in fundamental differences of lifestyle, personality, or values. By fighting over these differences, all they succeed in doing is wasting their time and harming their marriage. Instead, they need to understand the bottom-line difference that is causing the conflict—and to learn how to live with it by honoring and respecting each other. — *location: 590* ^ref-26231 --- A marriage’s meltdown can be predicted, then, by habitual harsh start-up and frequent flooding brought on by the relentless presence of the four horsemen during disagreements. Although each of these factors alone can predict a divorce, they usually coexist in an unhappy marriage. — *location: 790* ^ref-36994 --- Frequently feeling flooded leads almost inevitably to emotional distancing, which in turn leads to feeling lonely. — *location: 846* ^ref-26390 --- By simply reminding yourself of your spouse’s positive qualities—even as you grapple with each other’s flaws—you can prevent a happy marriage from deteriorating. The simple reason is that fondness and admiration are antidotes for contempt. — *location: 1361* ^ref-5923 --- A tendency to turn toward your partner is the basis of trust, emotional connection, passion, and a satisfying sex life. — *location: 1778* ^ref-44801 --- The best soft start-up has four parts: (1) “I share some responsibility for this …” (2) Here’s how I feel … (3) about a specific situation and … (4) here’s what I need … (positive need, not what you don’t need). — *location: 3190* ^ref-10556 ---